do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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