No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
