If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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