Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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