i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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