i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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