like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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