I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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