Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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