Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
