i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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