There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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