atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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