You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dick very happy bro
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
