It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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