I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
