Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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