I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
