Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
