At least make sure they are 18
Why
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
