I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
