I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
