You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
