Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
