I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
