Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
