Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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