one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
