I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm always down for nudity.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
