Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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