About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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