i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have aggressive nipples.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
