We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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