Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
