Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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