I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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