If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
