my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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