the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
