i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
