i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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