She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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