so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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