At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
