ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
