good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
