ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
