I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
