i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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