my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
