Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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