when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
