Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
