How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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